Your Defenses and You
We typically use “defensive” in colloquial speech to label certain sets of behaviors that get stirred up in other people, but we all use defenses unconsciously to ward off anxiety-provoking feelings that get stirred up in different contexts. It can be very difficult for an individual to see how their own defenses operate, but this is paramount in self-understanding and emotional liberation.
Therapist: That’s great that you’re so clear, do you notice you’re anxious even here right now? How do you experience that?
Patient: (sighs and hand wringing, breathing is shallow) Laughs Oh, this is like nothing, I could tell you..
Therapist (interrupts): So, I notice that you laugh, then end up minimizing this anxiety by saying it is nothing, and end up going off to something else, do you see that, too?
Patient: I didn’t, but.. you’re right.
Therapist: Do you think that laughing at something that hurts you and minimizing its impact might be ways that you ignore yourself?
Patient: I usually do ignore it, I only take it seriously when I get panic attacks.
Therapist: Right, so you ignore the anxiety until it is absolutely unbearable, but that sounds quite cruel. Would you like to pay careful attention to the anxiety, even at this level, so we can be kinder to you?
Patient: Yes, yes, that sounds great.
Defenses Have a Cost
In the above example, the patient came in with anxiety, but used the defenses of minimization, ignoring, diversification and laughing, which if not pointed out, would actually end up with the him being anxious, but self-neglecting and extending his own suffering. This happens actually so quickly and so out of consciousness, that he can’t see that this is part of the reason that he gets high anxiety and panic attacks.
Learning About Defenses Brings Freedom
- Do I tend to go out of my way to people please? Even at my own detriment?
- How much attention do I put on my own reactions internally, emotionally and physically? Do I use that information to guide my actions?
- Do I tend to see life as something that happens to me rather than something I create and contribute to?
- Do I tend to have difficulty expressing my needs and setting boundaries around them?