Understanding family dynamics for a happier life!
Family is where everything begins, family is where we receive core values, beliefs and perceptions of the world which determine how we develop our personality.
When I talk about family, it could be a couple or the singles relationship with their parents (even if they aren’t currently next or around me).
Family is not the stagnant picture we posted on WeChat; family is a dynamic, which is constantly changing and moving influenced by the memand external situations which take place.
If a member of the family is gone or falls ill, that dynamic immediately changes.
Family withholds energy moving among its members that can easily get blocked, altered and changed.
If we observe our family dynamics we can get to an understanding on how to improve communication, how to face crises and solve problems, how to help family members in need to be seen, listen or acknowledge and overall how to thrive as a flowing and dynamic unit which respects individuality and encourages growth.
I’ll share some ideas to make the flow happen in your family and thrive together:
- Be connected with your individual emotions and needs. We tend to expect our family members to “make us” feel in a certain way or we tend to place on them certain “responsibility” of our mood.
- Give yourself time to observe (without judging) some common patterns in your family. For instance who is the one in charge, giving orders and somehow organizing everyone? How’s the provider? Who’s the caregiver? Are those roles divided or shared? Check those patterns and see the dynamic of your family form a deeper perspective.
- Listen to all members, even small children. It is important to give them the opportunity to express their opinions and ideas.
- When you talk instead of saying “you are.... “or“ you guys always”, say: “my perception is” or “ the way I see this situation is”. It is important to keep in mind that we are only expressing an emotion and we must give them space to agree or disagree.
- If you are a parent, be mindful of your old child - parent patterns. Try to avoid any unhealthy repetitions. Patterns can be changed yet, consciousness and emotional accountability are necessary.
- Be there for your family members. Not only as caregivers or supporters, but also engage in active conversation by listening, asking about their emotions and sensations and sharing yours. Developing deeper conversations strengthens the connection within the family and creates a profound emotional bond.
If you want help to explore your patterns and create balance in order to break unhealthy cycles with your family, contact Body & Soul to make a consultation appointment with Bibiana.
Bibiana is a psychologist who combines clinical psychology, psychogenealogy (family tree therapy) and alternative techniques to help her clients live a healthier, happier life.